3D Movies, Shart Tank for Girlies, and Clown Photos

3D Movies Are Busted

I have a VIVID memory of the first 3D movie I ever saw. It was Spy Kids 3-D, released in the summer of 2003, and it was one of the most fun movies I remember seeing growing up. With the freaky red and blue 3D glasses and the stuff LITERALLY popping out of the screen at you, creating perfect jump scares for children, I truly believed that there may never be another cinematic experience that would be in 2D.

Needless to say, I was wrong.

Sure, there was a phase when tons of movies were made in 3D, but they had nearly no 3D effects. I want stuff popping out of the screen, I want to feel like I have to duck my head to avoid something flying out of the film. I want the full immersion experience I had when I was 8.

Why do I care and why am I talking about this?

Well, I went to see the new Jurassic World movie last night in 4DX, and it was so fun, but with the goofy impact of the 4DX theater seats, the literal ponchos they gave us with our 3D glasses, and the wind turbines blowing air on us, I had to wonder why they wouldn’t just commit to 3D effects that pop off the screen instead of just additional depth to the film.

I’m sure that a lot of people don’t want the gimmicky 3D jump scares effects in movies that are more serious, and to them, I say, go see the movie in 2D!

But I am a child of the 90s, and I want stupid, gimmicky 3D effects. Especially if I am going to see the movie in 3D! I don’t go see a movie about dinosaurs to be immersed in a world that is to be taken seriously. I am at the movie theater to experience childlike wonder, and tapping into that seems like low-hanging fruit for a 3D film.

What was the last movie you saw? Reply to this email and tell me, because I like watching movies, even if the 3D effects are bad.

Shitty Business Ideas

Sharts, today I’m asking you for one Hermès Birkin, and of course a twilly scarf for the top handle, and a few other bag charms… in exchange for a 50% market share of the girlie pop community.

So you are all correct, I don’t own the girlie pop community, but I do have my finger on the pulse of the girlie trends and if you bring onboard as an advisor I can easily connect you to your target audience.

One corner of the market we could start cornering is selling vintage bags. Every girlie pop loves a little bag, but no one wants to pay a zillion dollars for a bag. PLUS, a vintage bag has a certain patina you just aren’t going to get from a storefront. A nice vintage bag store would go crazy.

Another example (and trust I’m not giving away all my secrets here), summer pop-up shops for tomato-based foods. Folks love tomatoes and they want them on everything in the summer. Why aren’t more people talking about a sliced tomato on a bagel with cream cheese? It’s been a favorite for centuries, but it’s never available at cafes? Shit’s fucked up.

So what do you say Sharts? Let’s call up your Hermès Sales Associate and make this deal happen.

I’m Starting an Unserious Club

The Unserious Club is kind of like this newsletter, except it’s not digital; it’s a print magazine that I write and design myself. It includes segments like a quarterly challenge (to help us learn that life isn’t that serious), my quarterly favorites, personal silly stories, and more fun surprises that I don’t want to spoil yet.

It costs 30 dollars and is shipping at the end of July. My goal is to sell at least 5; I would love you to join my club.

Join The Club

If you still aren’t sure, you can learn more about The Unserious Club by watching this week’s YouTube video.