Meta Glasses Are Freaky

Ads Are about to get Freaky

Everyone has been asking, and it’s finally time for me to clear the air about the commodification of surveillance technology.

Yes, it’s bad.
Yes, we all contribute to the surveillance state.
Yes, this brings a new meaning to the word Four-Eyes.
Yes, I am jaded because Meta ruined Farmville with micro-transactions.

With that being said, I’ve come to an unbiased conclusion that Meta Glasses are for real freaks only. Especially if said glasses are prescription and not for casual use.

I’m sorry, but what do you mean you got Facebook in the bathroom watching you wipe from back to front?

I’ve seen people in psychosis from the specificity of Facebook ads. Meanwhile, y’all are going to the bathroom with those Meta glasses on and are shocked when you immediately start getting ads for your nearly empty bathroom products, four-ply ethically-sourced toilet paper, and hand sanitizer (for the freaks who don’t wash their hands).

And listen, I love the POV creators out there. Bless the food reviewers who are using it to make POV content of them chowing down. I just think that maybe my Waffle House waitress shouldn’t wear them to work. I know things get scary in there sometimes, but on a Sunday brunch shift?

What does she need to record at the drop of a hat? Is she making training videos for the Awful Waffle or is she waiting for some shit to go down?

I can almost hear the HR conversation now:

“Hillary, we know that you need your Meta Ray-Ban Glasses to see and do your job, but you are not permitted to wear them to work.”

“Yes, we understand the vocational hazards of being legally blind at work, but you really should have reviewed the Waffle House Employee Handbook before making your eyeglass selection from the employer-provided HSA/FSA portal.”

What do you think? Should I do more writing on more crazy surveillance tech that’s probably going to ruin our lives?

Shitty Business Ideas

Hello Sharts,

We’ve all wanted to occasionally hit a vape at an inconvenient and often unavailable time. Maybe you left your vape at home. Maybe you’ve stopped buying vapes out of fear of nicotine addiction. Maybe you only get the itch when you are out drinking with buddies. Maybe you can’t resist the sweet fruity scent wafting from a stranger’s residual vapor.

Regardless of the reason, we all have the itch from time to time. Let’s just face it. The reality of the situation is that we don’t have a safe way to let strangers hit our vapes, or to hit the stranger’s vapes. This is why we created BlowHoles.

BlowHoles is a protective covering for your vape’s mouthpiece. You wouldn’t put your lips on a water fountain faucet, so why are you slurping on someone’s pocket puff bar? Let’s reduce your chances of catching a cold and increase your chances of popcorn-ing those lungs!

The best part, if you are always borrowing vapes, you will never be able to cash in on a class action suit! No more pesky paperwork for you to do. All risk, no reward!

Sharts, in exchange for a trillion dollars, I will not create nicotine addiction in your children! Sounds like a great deal, right, Barbara?