That’s Right, You Missed It.
I’m going to be honest with you.
I didn’t think I would make the cut this time.
I was sure that being queer, leaving the church, and completely distancing myself from everything my famously religious parents believe in would disqualify me from getting called up to meet Him in the sky.
To those left behind, likely my friends Ian and Finn, please make haste to get to my home as soon as the roads are safe. Bug probably has like 5 days before her litter needs to be changed.
To those left behind, if your conservative grandma was raptured with me, please know that I likely disagree with her about everything, and we are arguing eternally in His presence. I’m going to be the worst heavenly neighbor she’s ever had.
To those left behind, I’m sorry that George Bush failed you.
To those left behind, please know that this is actually a really big blessing. Things are going to get drastically better in terms of climate and rush hour traffic.
To those left behind, you should have seen a few of the signs earlier (asking ChatGPT for advice, googling PEMDAS to answer thI’at Facebook post, etc).
To those left behind, know this was likely a weird fluke, I’m sure I’ll be returned back down
To those left behind, there are a lot more queer people here than I was told.
To those left behind, there’s a few polycules I think some of y’all would love.
To those left behind, I just heard that they have drag shows up here and that Babylon by Lady Gaga went triple platinum up here.
To those left behind, HAHA! SUCKERS!
I’M DOING A GIVEAWAY
|
|
Here’s How To Win:
- You are already have one entry for all the drawings.
- You can get extra entries by submitting a name idea for my clown persona. (
- The prizes are: a copy of Zine 1, a collection of three blind boxes (Labubu and Baby Three), and a copy of Zine 2 (coming soon).
- There’s no purchase necessary to win, and winners have to live in the US and be 18 or older and all of that other legal bullshit I have to say.
|
Shitty Business Ideas
Hey Sharts,
Today I want to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime share of our product, Cat Food for Dogs. This groundbreaking recipe takes the best food for your cats and makes it socially acceptable to serve your dogs.
Honestly, we don’t know why cat and dog food has always been different, but every time my dog would eat the cat food, my mom would scream, “ NO!” Also, it’s really inconvenient to store two different 5-pound bags of dry pet food in the pantry. (Don’t even get me started on the amount of food you need for a Poodle mix.)
Then there’s the stress it puts on your shoulders to carry those bags of pet food over your shoulders. I shouldn’t have to be Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to buy my dog and cat food at Pet-R-Us, USA Inc.
So we did what anyone would do to solve this problem: We hired a recently laid-off CDC scientist, paid them poorly, and took credit for all of their work.
We beta-tested three flavors with our cat, and she loved one of them. Our dog was just happy to eat the cat food. We’ve been selling all of our small-batch samples at the local farmers market.
I’m seeking at least either a really great business insurance / pet insurance policy OR an industrial kitchen (so I can get the salmon pâté smell out of my walls) in exchange for 10% of the company.
So Sharts, what do you say? I need your help getting this brand into every Chewy subscription in America, and I think we can do it together.
I PostEd This week
Here’s a short video about how I stay inspired! The truth is that I’ve been trying to spend less time on the internet and more time creating every week. So I pulled from my ADHD piles of zines, magazines, and photos that I’ve purchased over the years and made a cute little collage on the walls of my office.
I made a quick video about the perpetual strew that I warned y’all about a few weeks ago. You can read about that here.
An Unserious tiktok
Until next Sunday,
Clebbie Debbie
