Orders For THe Unserious Club Close In:
Orders are shipping at the end of July, so I have to place the print order this week, thus the pre-order we have been doing this month.
If you still aren’t sure about joining the club, you can learn more about The Unserious Club by watching this YouTube video.
Bring Back Short mOvies
Not sure if you've been to the movies in the last decade, but every movie they've made in the last century seems to be 3-4 hours long for nearly no reason other than to increase concession sales.
Directors, Writers, and Producers, hear me when I say the following:
- If the movie is longer than 90 minutes, I will be going to the restroom. I'm sorry, I have a small bladder.
- If I'm going to the AMC movie theater, I am going to buy a Diet Coke.
These things are non-negotiables. They are the rules of the cinema.
I am begging. On my hands and knees pleading. Let's focus on making some 1.5-2 hour banger movies in 2026 and 2027.
I mean listen, it's hard enough to pick what to watch on Netflix with a boyfriend or situationship. Let alone a group of friends.
A 2.5-3.5 hour movie night, we might as well have played a round of Monopoly, smoked a crack pipe, and gone for a late night drive, in that order.
And yeah, sure... TikTok is rotting our brains or whatever the fuck woke liberal cinephile propaganda you want to spew at me, but when I think about my favorite movies, nearly 0 of them are 3 hours in length.
A prime example of the perfect movie length in the last decade? Barbie. I won't explain.
I will actually pause here and say the following about movies that are 3 hours or longer:
- They didn't need to be that long to convey the story and plot points necessary.
- The CGI didn't make it worth three hours.
- It wasn't better because it was longer.
- It would have been better as a limited series on Fubo.
If you think I'm wrong, reply to this email and fight me.
Shitty Business Ideas
Sharts,
I am offering you the chance to make 50¢ off every public toilet flush for the rest of your life in exchange for the one and only 24k gold Labubu.
Hear me out, you've seen signs that say restrooms are for customers only and you've probably had to even ask for a bathroom code before.
What if instead of the uncomfortable process of telling the employee that you have to shit when you ask for the bathroom code, they included it on the receipt?
Convenient, right?
Let's take it a step further because fuck it, capitalism!
We connect the bathroom code lock to the sale system so each purchase generates a one-time use bathroom code.
Now these codes are no longer sharable! They automatically expire! If someone overstays their bladder, welcome, they HAVE to buy something else!
It's GENIUS!
What do you say, Sharts? Are you down to get a little shitty on your kitties?
Unserious tiktok
Three Dimensionally Yours,
Clebbie Debbie
